drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was Bri

i decided the next day that i was going to say something really rude and cutting to Brian if he ended up leaving portland without seeing me. "no excuses, you were right across the street," was the general line of thought. i was actually kind of amped to tell him that he was out. part of me wanted him to leave without saying anything, so i could finally have a rightful excuse to make him feel bad without looking like a weepy, emotional chick (which i am). but the other part of me did not want to feel that rejection, in fact i couldnt conceive of it. that would be a blow to the very lower gutty wuts quadrant.

i thought i was going to get a chance to say the dialog that was running through my head late that nite. i imagined him txting me or calling and saying, "sorry, it was so crazy while i was out there, sorry i didnt get a chance to see you."
and i would say, "you know what brian? no. you were across the street from me. across. the. street. you don't have an excuse. this just so clearly illustrates what you really think about me. and apparently that isnt much. no. no. no, brian, youre out."

how sweet that would have been.

*beep*
1:28 am
new message brian: i'm at doug fir drinkin.
me: i did that last night.
brian: last night is not tonite.
me: you are right about that.
brian: i'm gonna be at the jupiter in 15 min.
me: good for you
brian: yeah.
me: what do you want?
brian: same thing you want.
me: oh, really? to be treated like a lady or at least a friend you respect? to get asked out for drinks at a reasonable hour, not at the last minute like some cheap ass trick?
(take that!)
brian: i always want to be treated like a true lady. and no one said anything about last minute.

Damn his oily, always quick and clever hide!
me: uh huh.

i rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. i had taken part of a klonopin but wasnt terribly sleepy. just blank. thinking clearly, but feeling little.

"...i said hey, babe, take on walk on the wild side...said haaaay babe..."
thats my ringtone.
brian.

"hello?"
"Laney," i recognized his tone, it was his 'what the hell is going on with you?' tone.
"What. is going on?"
i sat in silence, the hum of no one talking on a phone in my left ear. i wanted to say so much. whats going on? i remember when you would walk ten salt lake city blocks at high noon in the summer just for a chance to see me for ten minutes while my husband was at work. now twenty yards is too much of an effort.

i just sighed.
"youre just mad about friday, well if you had any idea how fucked up i was you wouldnt be so pissed."

"noooo brian, thats not,"
"yes it is, youre just mad that i couldnt tell you what bar i was at."